Growing up and letting go

Today, my oldest two daughters are leaving on a jet plane. Unlike the song, however, I do know when they will be back again. In exactly 13 days, when we will be meeting up with them at a campground in north central Iowa.  I know that while they are gone, they will be having a lot of fun, seeing new and wonderful things, and exploring what it means to be away from mom and dad for awhile.  But it doesn't mean that I won't be missing them, terribly and completely, between now and then.

The process of letting go begins, I think, almost as soon as your child comes out of the womb.  In that miracle of birth, you are so anxious and excited to meet this new child.  However, she is soon taken from your belly to be weighed and measured, poked and prodded, and made sure that she is healthy. You want nothing more than to hold her close, and keep her there forever, but you realize that she's no longer inside and a part of you.  And thus the times of having her away and apart from you begin.

I saw it written once that having a child means understanding what it’s like to have your heart walk around outside your body. While I totally get this sentiment, I also think that being a parent means having the ability to accept that I could be crushed should something terrible happen to my child, and yet still be willing to let her out to explore and engage with the world.

I want and hope so much for each of my children.  But not as a way to complete me, or to give me a chance to do my own childhood over.  Instead, my children are a way for me to begin understanding what it is to be a parent, and to explore this aspect of my purpose in life.

I know that raising children means that eventually, they will be out on their own, leading their own lives.  And I know that I want this for my daughters.  I want them to be self-sufficient, able-bodied people who contribute positively to society.  But I also know that I will never be content to completely let them go.

Will my experience be different from my mom's? Yes, I'm sure in some ways it will.  However, in others, I hear her voice right inside my heart, helping to guide me in making good decisions about what is important to hold on to, and when it is important to let go.

So for now, while these two beautiful girls are away from me, I'm hoping to engage in a doing a few things that are more difficult to accomplish when there are five of us in the house.  And then, when we are reunited, I know I will have a fresh appreciation of them as individuals, who are growing up and who are helping me learn how to let go.